i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
