"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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