my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
