I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
