I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
