It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
