Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
