So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
