Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
