All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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