omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
