I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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