i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
