Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
