i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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