she was so not down for the gang bang
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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