i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
