Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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