I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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