she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize