if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize