maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
