he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
