WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
