i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
