If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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