problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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