Im at strip club and am horny
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
