You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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