Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
