why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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