its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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