i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
