Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Randomize