so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
