Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
My penis needs a shock collar
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
