moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize