i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
time to smoke my breakfast
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
