I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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