come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
