i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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