He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
