I want to stick my p in your. b.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
