dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize