Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
