He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
