i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
