I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
