I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
be right there i have to get my cape
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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