Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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