true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
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