Swine flu. Run for my life!
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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