if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
