I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
