so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
