Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Randomize
