I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
