She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Even my vagina gasped.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
