i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I supernannyed him into submission
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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