Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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