its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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