What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
