I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
