i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
