She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
