Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
A+ Viking dick
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